The face of success

How does anyone navigate life without my Dad? That’s what I’ve been asking myself the most lately. I know some very successful people, happy people who have found their way in life, somehow, but I’m not sure how they did it on their own, because for me I can’t imagine trying to navigate this minefield of adulthood without my Dad. Oh sure, they didn’t do it on their own, no one actually succeeds in a vacuum, we all need support. I just don’t know how anyone succeeds without my Dad in their corner.

The first step toward success, in today’s world, is building your network, of friends, colleagues and partners. Think in terms of building a path, each friend, acquaintance or new person is a brick or marker on this road, they are an opportunity to grow, and you are the same to them. It's a beautiful give and take. Throughout my life my Dad has shared his dadisms, "most people do a C job", "there’s what is and what ought to be, they’re not the same" (see how I came to naming this blog) and "know your end game". These are the ones that have meant the most to me, perhaps because they are so resonant for my needs. I know when I was young it seemed like I wasn’t listening, but I guess I was. Now as a parent I find myself with my own "isms" for my child. It’s okay that it doesn’t seem like he’s listening, because I know he is. This is but one step on that path. My Dad placed the first brick for me.

Over the last few months, I and my friends have been brought closer together through hardship, from horrible work conditions to navigating business school, and we find ourselves leaning on each other, and hundreds of miles away my Dad is there, every step of the way. My road is built with stepping stones of my Dad’s wisdom, shared with my network so that all of our paths are stronger. A friend who has never met my Dad, a manager at a fortune 100 company, found himself inspiring a team of senior managers and vice presidents with my Dad’s advice... Know your end game. His project was daunting, the hurdles were huge, and he kept his eye on the goal. He let the small details, which added no value, slide. With my Dad’s mantra in his head, relayed through me, my friend achieved his difficult goal, ahead of schedule and under budget; he achieved this success with minimal friction by keeping his sites on the goal.

A dear friend was fired for no good reason. She saw it coming and called me the night before. I relayed some of my Dad’s advice, "say what you need and then be quite" and "know your end game". When the horrible meeting happened, she sat quietly with these two mantras replaying over and over in her head. Once she was out of the heat, she was in a better position to understand her options.

These are just two of many stories of how my Dad is there for me and my friends, my network, my path; but mostly these are the stories that make me wonder how anyone navigates life without my Dad.

In the midst of a confusing career moment, I shared with my Dad my impressions of success. I told him about a business person with many more dollars in her bank account, than I’ve ever seen. My Dad always shines a light on what’s important. "Is she successful?", he would ask me. She has money, but is that the metric for measuring success? We all want enough money for a comfortable life and to provide for our family, but my Dad is clear and he pushes me, is that the measure of success? Look at her family, look at her friendships, is she happy? Her only metric for success is the money in her bank account. Anyone can make money, but not everyone can be a friend. When all is said and done in our lives, when we take our final breath on this earth, our bank accounts will not matter. The people we’ve touched, the children we’ve raised, the family we’ve loved, will be our true metric of success. Spending time together, enjoying the gifts of those in our lives and being able to enjoy those gifts, those are the metrics of success my Dad points too.

What is the face of success? Our friends and family loving us in return.

Thanks Dad!